Anticipatory Grief and Update!

"Anticipatory Grief"

That is today’s phrase and let’s break it down:

Grief - captain obvious: grief goes hand-in-hand with love and when something you dearly love is gone or stops or is taken away, moved to,… (verb of choice.)

Then there is grief - the grief at its loss.

I grieved when I could no longer play my trombone after my October 19th/2019, central retinal vein occlusion CVRO, and I grieved when I could no longer run around and referee basketball after 52 years as it had been so much fun running around yelling at people and being paid. I grieved when SGI took away my license and I can no longer drive myself where I would like to go.

There is so much to grieve, but we also cannot stay in grief.

It is not healthy; now for the anticipatory part: anticipatory is when you anticipate an event which in this case, is grief. You can also anticipate joy like at Christmas when you’re going to be with family & friends & special foods. You can anticipate a wedding and anticipate the birth of a child and there’s so much you can anticipate with joy. 

I look forward to every day when I wake up and thank God that I can draw another breath to what can bring me joy today. There’s lots of things which I could bring me joy. Today my friend Echo is coming to visit. We’re going out on a pedicure with the Leibels too. I’m going to take care of my toenails that I cannot reach nor manage as much as I used to. 

So find your joy each day.

• Maybe it’s, you know, donating a book to a little lawn library that I can bring joy.

• Maybe it’s making a new recipe and I have recipes on my blog for you to view.

• Maybe it’s phoning a friend that you haven’t spoken to you in a while and just saying hi thinking of you or making a time to meet up with a friend.

So there’s so much that you can do within anticipatory joy.

Meanwhile, my family and I continue to live in my anticipatory grief and we find something each week to look forward to to bring us joy so this is what anticipatory grief is and we are living in it at this moment. God bless. 

Some joy from my 65th Birthday! Surrounded by more than 50 family and friends!

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Glioblastoma Cancer Update:

At my latest appointment, my oncologist Dr. showed me and Stacy my MRIs over these years and while there’s been some improvement, the tumour is still too super-close to my brainstem. IF and it’s a huge “IF” the tumour comprises my brainstem, then that’s it for my automatic brain functions like breathing and as they say in Jumanji, “Game Over”.

Since there can be no timeline for brainstem comprises, each day is a gift and I have my attitude of gratitude and prayers daily to praise our Heavenly Father and our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ that I have another day to draw breath! AMEN!

I have some pressure behind my right eye & right sinus since the tumour is still growing albeit slowly. Thus, my Dr is increasing my steroid dose to help reduce with the brain swelling PLUS I have an ear infection (why not, eh?) so I’ve started my course of antibiotics!

Next week I’ll start my 3rd round of intensive chemotherapy! The adventures continue! 

God bless all y’all and my love to you!

Julie Atter